Motherself

Yesterday I was waiting in line at the flu shot clinic, to get my oldest son the H1N1 Flu Mist. Before you jump to any conclusions about me and my less-than-fully holistic/alternative mom-self, I will tell you that this was not a choice I made with any real clarity. I listened for weeks to both camps- what I would call the “you must get your kids this vaccine or they might die” versus the “this vaccine is untested and if you give it to your kids, who knows, they might die“. So, I was sitting in the waiting room, when another mom sat down next to me, her 3 year old daughter in her lap. We struck up a conversation, and both of us admitted to not knowing whether or not we were making the right choice. She went so far as to say that she had actually come to a flu shot clinic earlier in the week, and had left before her daughter’s name was called, she was so uncertain. But then the nurse called my son’s name, and doubts pushed aside, we went in and got the vaccine.

The truth is, motherhood, and fatherhood, involve countless decisions like these, decisions where we have to make a choice but don’t necessarily feel like we have enough information. Or rather, maybe we have too much information, but none of it seems unbiased. We can research all day long with the internet now. While your concerns may not be health-related, they may be based on what school to send your child to, or how on target his/her development is, or what to do about discipline. There are opinions galore out there, but who should we trust?

When I said my parenting philosophy was to trust yourself, I meant it. And I mean it even in times when you really truly do not know the answer. Somehow, we have to come to terms with the uncertainty of being alive in this world. We just don’t know more than we know. We really are responsible for guiding and nurturing our vulnerable children despite our not being in control of almost all the factors in their lives. This is a spiritual challenge, not just a pratical one. It is one thing to live with uncertainty when you are single and living in a monastery, practicing meditation to live more fully in the unknown. It is a very different thing to be able to accept and embrace the unknown for our children.

So we make the choice, and move on to the next one. Will I get my baby the flu shot too? I still don’t know. But I do know that I want to waste less energy on debating pros and cons, and more energy on believing that I am always doing the best I can. It has to be enough. And I hope it can be enough for you too.